There can be no doubt that making the transition from one country, with it's prevailing culture to another land with a profoundly vast and differing worldview provides a challenging experience. Hence, the experience of many migrants coming to Australia also presents it's own series of challenges and life-lessons. And this is equally true of the Vietnamese community that now enjoys a better standard and quality of life here in Australia. With the majority of Vietnamese migrants to Australia having arrived here as refugees, most with horrific and deeply traumatic stories as their predominant baggage, stories of pain and hardship are being transformed into testimonies of success and prosperity. Generally, the first-generation of Vietnamese arrivals to Australia have worked extremely hard to establish themselves and their families into the greater community. They have created a materially secure foundation for their future generations to build upon. And for many of those original Vietnamese refugees, their hope continues to rest with their Australian born children and grandchildren. For these generations are endowed with a world of opportunity to succeed and get ahead in life in a way the first generation never had the chance to.And yet, within this optimistic picture of arrival, consolidation, hard-work, opportunity, success, wealth and security, there is also a shadow-side which second and third generation Vietnamese in Western countries consistently endure. It is the flash-point in conflicting cultures surrounding the issue of parental desires for their children's future as opposed to that actual persons individual wishes for their future. This murky grey area of conflict was highlighted again recently in the tragic case of a 31 year-old Vietnamese American man who in a fit of rage strangled his mother. This story is highlighted in full at this link: http://www.nguoi-viet.com/absolutenm/anmviewer.asp?a=108035&z=19
It seems that for that man, the burden of his mother's demands in dictating his future became too much and he snapped in a moment of violent madness. It may well be that other factors were also relevant to this case but nevertheless, the issue was well and truly reiterated - the Asian cultural practice of dictating to your child as a parent their study and career paths can have dramatic consequences. Especially so when this cultural expectation clashes with the Western ideal of individualistic choice in determining one's own future.
There is an old Nordic tale of a native indigenous man who lived in the wild, snowy wilderness near the Arctic circle in northern Norway. He had only ever lived in snow and as a result he only ever wore snow shoes - footwear that resembles the frame of a tennis racquet. This footwear served the purpose of his getting around on foot in the snow and it was all he knew. Now for some reason this man found himself needing to go to Oslo, the capital city of Norway. He packed his few belongings and got a train down to a civilisation he had never encountered before. He disembarked the train and started to walk in his snow shoes towards the exit gate. But he was not walking very well and eventually he tripped over, not just once but two, three and four times. He was walking in his snow shoes on dry land and he had never walked on land without a covering of snow before. An interested and somewhat amused on-looker advised the man that he should take off his snow shoes or else he would find it extremely difficult to get around Oslo. He even offered the native a pair of shoes to help him. But the man refused the offer - he would not take off his snow shoes and he struggled on regardless. He was too proud to admit his footwear was inadequate for his new surroundings and too fearful to remove that which he had walked with his entire life.
As the Vietnamese community here in Australia, it would be wise sometimes to reflect whether or not we are wearing the wrong shoes around for the land we now inhabit. For when it comes to approaching the issue of what our second and third generations desire for their futures here in Australia, perhaps the most appropriate support we can offer them is to step back and allow them to pursue their own vocational aspirations. This may be a humbling experience and will most likely go against every cultural instinct we've grown up with but it is the correct path to take. For if the first generation of Vietnamese can not give up their vicarious dreams for their children, then maybe they risk losing the love and respect of their children altogether. Parents - is the doctor, lawyer or pharmacist aspiration for your child worth the pain of a broken relationship? Is it a cross you are placing on your child that is not just overbearingly heavy but just plain wrong? Is your comparison of your family's status to others ultimately healthy, let alone fulfilling? 2 Corinthians 10: 12 that reminds us "we do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. "
Perhaps it's timely again to check what shoes you are wearing for this cultural terrain called Australia. And perhaps it is time you removed the heavy cross of your own dream-fulfillment you've burdened your children with. Perhaps it's time to let go of this truly self-centred part of yourself and open your eyes to a different way of thinking in this land of freedom and opportunity. Have you still got your snow shoes on?
