How to get a headache in twenty minutes!

This white man doesn't usually suffer from headaches or migraines. Maybe because his brain capacity will not allow any kind of mental overload to afflict him cerebrally! Or maybe just because his level of dull-ness negates any pain in the brain...But there is one sure-fire way to do this white man's head in - get him volunteering on grade 1/2 school excusions! The recipe is simple, yet sinister: get 60-70 rabid seven year-old kids, put them on a bus, travel any distance over 500 meters, sit next to the lousest, shrillest, most blood-curding voice from the depths of Hades (that's Mrs G) and feel the pain!

Today my eldest son went to the Melbourne Zoo and this white man tagged along as the 'token' male accompanied by seven other mums. The job description given was simple and straight to the point - any boy needing to go to the toilet suddenly becomes your best friend and you make sure he does his business without incident. Fair enough...and it was all going fine until a group of ten or so boys simultaneously asked for their wee break. I accompanied them into the toilets but couldn't keep track of them all at once. Some uncontrollable boyish laughter then grabbed by attention - allegedly one of MacKellar's finest decided he'd do his wee in the paper towel waste basket. After some forced harsh words on my behalf, basically for effect really, we agreed that his secret was safe but one of the other boys turned squealer. The poor little fella then got chastised in front of his classmates by the aforementioned teacher, Ms Shrieking Larynx for urinating in an unacceptable manner! To top off that kids day, later on he got pooed on by a marauding peacock (ironically apt?!) chasing a free feed. Some days it's just not your day!

Anyway, despite the headache and the toilet antics, the real moral of this story really is to never knock back the opportunity of accompanying your child on an excursion! It's the best experience in the world and the laughs are amazing. I thank God that my life is flexible and free enough to be able to share in days like today with my son. Many dads cannot and I pity them for what they miss out on. Purely precious moments, even with a headache!