The Answer is Blowing in the Wind....

A close young church friend was relaying an amusing anecdote to this white man yesterday that involved an elderly lady in a local supermarket. The senior citizen, who walked with the aid of a walking frame, suddenly exclaimed "excuse me" to my friend who was none the wiser as to why she should have excused herself to him. As he removed his iPod earphones she repeated her contrition, explaining quite matter-of-factly that she farted! Twice presumably, hence her double apology. At least she was aware of her 'misdemeanour' as many other elderly folks commit such indiscretions without any knowledge of their deeds! Anyway it reminded this white man of an equally amusing tale from the far away land of Burma. What transpired that evening remains indelibly etched into the memory of all who were witness to that highly humorous event.

Whilst travelling in Burma during July 1996 this white man linked up with a tour group of nine other travellers, mostly Australian plus a German couple and a Belgian magistrate who looked like he was more at home on a surfboard than in a courtroom! There were two middle-aged ladies from Melbourne travelling together and they particularly were the source of many funny moments on what was a relatively rugged tour. Burma, as a developing nation was still pretty primitive in terms of it's hospitality to foreign tourists so the tour never saw anything more than one-star (if that) accommodation. The two ladies struggled with this as they were seemingly pre-disposed to the finer things in life. One wonders what possessed them to even want to tour such a challenging country like Burma. Perhaps they were seeking a lovely soiree on the road to Mandalay at a colonial tea party with the British establishment! If so, then someone forgot to tell them that Burma has been independant for many years and the British colonials are well gone!

In any case, one night whilst staying in a small town on the outskirts of Mandalay, after eating dinner in a local restaurant, a local troupe of male entertainers turned up to demonstrate to us naive tourists the lovely art of traditional Burmese dancing. Dresssed in their traditional long skirts called longyis, the men whirled and twirled their wares as these two ladies seemed to enjoy the show more than the rest of us 'youngies'. Actually their mirth was also gin and tonic related! What happened next was priceless...In a moment of inspiration, the more posh of the two ladies decided that she would engage one of the male entertainers in a Toorak-version of a highly dubious shaky samba. She jumped up and began to 'do her thing' when the unimaginable happened...Obviously caught in a vulnerable moment she passed wind! It was not a muffled staccato-style excuse of a note but rather a mezzoforte grand blast of proudly escaped freedom! Now that was obviously hilarious, pants-wettingly so, but what was even funnier was the reaction of the poor local dancing villager! His face contorted with amazed incredulity, he dashed off the stage and nearly lost his long-skirt as he fled the scene of the crime! As for Ms Prim, from Proper St, Toorak, she was not sighted until dinner the next evening and even then her face appeared still flushed from the night before. So from thereafter she was rightfully dubbed 'the farting lady of Burma!'

Guess you had to be there...